Be Present

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

For a long time now I've been lost. I haven't been present in my life but instead have been fumbling along from day to day, just going through the motions. I wasn't living.

I am not sure when this began. For years (literally, years) now we have been wanting to move out of South Florida, and I restricted myself from looking too far down the road or making plans too far in the future. I wasn't attaching myself to this place in time. I was stagnant. I lost my job last year and lost part of my identity with it. Then Adam came along. I had a new, different identity, but as any of you with children can relate, months slipped by while I was adjusting to life with this beautiful creation and I put myself on the back burner

Adam will be 9 months old this week. It's time to reclaim my life. I am refocusing and re-purposing myself to Be Present, to put effort and care into all that I do.

This last weekend was the awakening I needed. Michael took Adam out of town to help out his sister, and I stayed home alone due to a conflict. I had tears in my eyes as they drove away and I wondered how terribly I'd miss them. This was the first time I'd be away from Adam for a night, much less 3 nights. Part of me wanted to do absolutely nothing but catch up on sleep and wait until Sunday, but, surprisingly, this other part of me came alive. I could run errands and dawdle in the stores. I could make a mess with my projects without little hands reaching in. I could clean the house and it could stay clean for just a couple days. I discovered this weekend all to myself was a gift.

I didn't rest but instead tackled the Mommy-Do list. (It's not like my body clock will allow me to sleep past 7:30am anyway.)  So in assessing what I did accomplish, I am actually feeling more relaxed because I no longer have these hanging over my head.

✓ Balanced the checkbook 
✓ Decorated for Fall/Halloween
✓ Sewed buttons / Repaired garments with the sewing machine
✓ Started my Experiencing God bible study
✓ Began collecting items for new craft project for Adam's room (details to come, hopefully)
✓ Designed and ordered my business cards
✓ General clean-up and organization
✓ Ordered Adam a back-up blanket/bear lovey for Grandma's house  
✓ Worked on a client's online store ... more to be done
✓ Worked on client's print design ... more to be done
✓ Started a lamp refurbishment project ... more to be done
✓ Purchased and mailed birthday gifts (still need one for my brother-in-law)


I know this transformation is part of God's whisper to me. I have been lost from my life but also lost from Him for far too long. I was caught up in our finances and fears, and though I was having conversations with God, I didn't have joy. There was talk but no actions. I was going through the motions in my faith, but I have finally heard his invitation again to come find Him. I hope Michael hears the call, too, so we can reaffirm our faith together. Worshiping as a couple makes us stronger, and though we have always has a faith-based marriage, I would love to have an active, involved communication. And I don't think it's coincidental that the timing of this realization coordinates with my start of the Experiencing God study. I've only been through Unit 1, and already I can see how I have not allowed God to work through me. I haven't been listening.

Sure, there's plenty more to do, but I promise not to put those on the 'I don't care when they're done' pile and instead in the 'motivated to finish' pile. I am Back. I am going to put effort and care into my appearance, my duties, my responsibilities. I am going to be accessorized and prompt and organized. I am going to be back on top of things. I am going to start living.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:34